英语成人笑话

　　One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO.

　　Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. "

　　She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

　　Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."

　　So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

　　Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

　　She responded, "The idiot used coins!

　　以下翻译由ecpod双语视频语言文化传播网提供：

　　杰尼很想得到和他同一个办公室的女孩，可她已经有男朋友了……

　　一天，杰尼来到女孩面前对她说：“如果你让我上你，我给你100美元。”可是他还是招到拒绝，杰尼感到很失落。

　　过了一会儿，杰尼又说：“我非常快的，我把钱丢到地上，在你弯腰把钱捡起来之前我就能做完。”

　　女同事想了一会说必须和男朋友商量一下……于是她打电话把这事告诉她的男朋友。

　　男朋友回话说：“你问他要200美元，赶快把钱捡起来，让他连裤子都来不及脱。”

　　于是她同意并接受了他的提议……半个小时过去了，男朋友还在等着她的回话。

　　45分钟过去了，男朋友终于忍不住打电话问到底怎么回事。

　　女孩回话说：“这个该死的家伙丢在地上的是硬币！”

　　------------------

　　Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection.

　　The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

　　Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" The Huge Man: "You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.

　　Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist: "May I help you?" Bob says: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee." Receptionist: "But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities.....

　　"Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day!

　　鲍勃加入一个独家裸体主义者殖民地。第一天他脱掉他的衣服,开始四处游荡。华丽娇小的金发女郎走过他,那人立即会勃起。

　　女人注意到他勃起,过来他甜美笑容,说:“先生,你给我打电话吗?”鲍勃回答说:“不,你是什么意思?”她说:“你一定是新来的,让我解释一下。这里的规则,如果我给你勃起,这意味着你要求我。“微笑,然后她带领他的泳池,摆了一个毛巾,急切地把他和她和她愉快地让他有他的方式。

　　鲍勃继续探索设施。他走进一个桑拿,坐下,放屁。几秒钟内一个巨大的严重肥胖的,毛茸茸的男人与一个公司安装木制的蒸汽向他。巨大的人说:“先生,你给我打电话吗?”鲍勃回答说:“不,你是什么意思?”巨大的男人:“你一定是新来的,这是一个规则,当你放屁,这意味着你要求我。“巨大的人那么容易旋转鲍勃,弯曲他的长凳上,他的方式。

　　鲍勃殖民地冲回办公室。他是由微笑迎接裸体接待员:“我可以帮你吗?”鲍勃说:“这是你的名片和关键。你可以保持500美元的入会费。”接待员:“但是先生,只在这里呆几个小时,你只能看到一小部分我们的设施.....

　　”鲍勃回答说:“听着夫人,我是58岁,我变得强硬起来两次一个月,但我每天屁15次!

　　-------------------

　　1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

　　2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

　　3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

　　4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

　　5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.

　　6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

　　7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

　　8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.

　　9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

　　10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage.

　　1。男人付2美元买1美元他想要的东西。一个女人将支付$ 1美元2项,她不想要。

　　2。女人担心未来,直到她找到一个丈夫。男人从不担心未来,直到他有了妻子。

　　3所示。成功的男人是能挣比他太太花的更多的钱。成功的女人就是能够找到这样一个人。

　　4所示。与一个男人幸福你必须了解他很多&爱他一点。与一个女人幸福,你必须爱她很多&不试着去理解她。

　　5。已婚男人比单身的人更长寿,但已婚男人更愿意死。

　　6。任何已婚男人都应该忘记自己的错误,没有使用两个人记住同一件事。

　　7所示。男人醒来的时候好看,因为他们上床睡觉。女人过了一晚上的容颜会变糟。

　　8。一个女人嫁给一个男人希望他会改变,但他不会。一个男人娶了一个女人,希望她不会改变她。

　　9。一个女人在任何争论最后一句话。任何一个人说,在那之后的开始一个新的论点。

　　10。有两个时候男人不了解女人- - -婚前和婚后。