英语的幽默笑话有哪些

来源: 时间: 2018-01-10 23:43:20 人气: 9
   英语的幽默笑话有哪些一
  英语幽默笑话 和上帝对话
  A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
  一男子进入教堂和上帝对话。
  He says: "God,what is a million dollars to you?"and God says: "A penny,then the man says: "God,what is a million years to you?”and God says: ¨a second", then the man says: “God,can I have a penny ?"and God says:"In a second."
  他问:“主啊,一百万美元对你意味着多少?”上帝回答:¨一便士。” 男子又问:“那一百万年呢,?”上帝说:“一秒钟。”最后男子请求道:”上帝,我能得到一便士吗?“上帝回答:“过一秒钟。”
  单词&词组
  retirement ,退职,退休
  mower 割草机
  fake 假货,欺骗
  gossip 闲话,闲谈
  contented 满足的,心安的
  interfore 诚干涉,干预
  apply for 请求,申请
  fumiture 家具,设备
  atom bomb 原子弹
  知道不知道
  都说全世界属中国人的思维最复杂,说话曲里拐弯的,没想到老外也有这样的。据说中国人重直觉( intuition),英美人重实证( evidence),中国人重形象思维(figurative thinking),英美人重逻辑思维( logical thinking)。
  Ari adult decision
  成年人的抉择
  The year before my son turned 18, he constantly pleaded to be allowed to a have tattoo, but I refused to sign permission for one.He argued that soon he would be a man and he should be able to make adult decisions. Sure enough,a few days after his 18th birthday,he come home with a tattoo. Although l was not happy about this, I was curious to see what symbol of masculin', he had chosen. There, on his shoulder,was a two inch image of Mickey Mouse.
  我儿子十八岁前的那一年,常常向我提出准许他文身。但我拒绝允许他这么做。他争辩说他不久就要成为男子汉了,并说他应该能够做出成年人的抉择了。果然,十八岁生日的几天后,他文了身,回到家里。尽管我对此感到不高兴,但出于好奇,我想看看他选择了什么雄性象征物。原来他在肩上文了一个两英寸长的米老鼠像。
  英语幽默笑话 可以借用一下吗
  Are you using your mower this afternoon?
  今天下午你准备用割草机吗?
  Mr. Johnson:Are you using your mower this afternoon?
  约翰逊先生:今天下午你准备用割草机吗?
  Mr. Smith.Yes.
  史密斯先生:是的。
  Mr. Johnson: Fine. Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you won't be needing it ?
  约翰逊先生:太好了。既然您不用网球拍,那我可以借用一下吗?
  英语幽默笑话 卷烟厂都失火
  Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.‘I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday .’‘Don't worry ,dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later .’He said with a smile.
  玛丽非常讨厌丈夫吸烟,一天她对丈夫抱怨说:“我希望有一天所有卷烟厂都失火。”“不用担心,亲爱的,所有的烟卷迟早都会点着的。”他笑着说
  英语幽默笑话 妈妈不见了
  A little girl was lost, so she went up to a policeman and said, "l've lost my moml" The cop said,"What's she like?" The little girl replied,"Shopping and gossiping!”
  有一个小女孩走丢了,于是她走到一个警察跟前说:“我妈妈不见了!”这个警察说:“她什么样子?”小女孩回答:“买东西和说闲话!”
  英语幽默笑话 Get the kid
  让小的干吧
  A bit of advice for those about to retire. lf you are only 65,never move to ansrUrement community. Everybody else is in their 71s, 80s,or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded,they yell,"Get the kid.
  这里想对将要退休的人提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话,千万别进退休社区。因为那里的人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西,抬东西或者装东西时,他们会喊,“让小的干吧。
  英语的幽默笑话有哪些二
  Talking clock
  会说话的钟
  While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"
  "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"
  一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓,甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的?”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了,那是一个会说话的钟”,学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”,他的朋友问。“看着,别眨眼了”,那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子,拼命地敲了一下,声音震耳欲聋。突然,他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫,“别敲了,你这白痴!现在是凌晨两点钟了!”
  Secret For a Long Life
  A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
  "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"
  "I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."
  "Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"
  "Twenty-six."
  长寿秘诀
  一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头。
  “我无意中发现,你是多么幸福,”那女士说。“你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么?”
  “我每天抽三包烟,每周喝一箱威士忌,吃高脂肪食品,而且从来不曾锻炼。”
  “哦,真神奇,”女士说。“你高寿?”