英语幽默短笑话

　　man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

　　英语幽默短笑话：

　　Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?" 两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办?”

　　英语幽默短笑话：Talking clock

　　会说话的钟

　　While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

　　"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

　　一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的?”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴!现在是凌晨两点钟了!”

　　英语幽默短笑话：Secret For a Long Life

　　A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

　　"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"

　　"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."

　　"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"

　　"Twenty-six."

　　长寿秘诀

　　一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头。

　　“我无意中发现，你是多么幸福，”那女士说。“你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么?”

　　“我每天抽三包烟，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且从来不曾锻炼。”

　　“哦，真神奇，”女士说。“你高寿?”

　　英语幽默短笑话：Navajo Message For The Moon

　　纳瓦伙族人给月球的讯息

　　When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajoreservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew, who were walking among the rocks.

　　在美国国家航天局准备阿波罗航天计划时，他们让宇航员们去亚利桑那州纳瓦伙族保留区进行训练。某天，一位纳瓦伙族老人和他儿子遇见正在岩石间穿行的航空工作人员。

　　The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people:

　　老人问了航天局人员一个问题，但他只会说纳瓦伙族语，儿子帮他进行了翻译：

　　"What are these guys in the big suits doing?"

　　“这些穿着厚重衣服的家伙在干嘛?”

　　One of the astronauts said they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When his son relayedthis comment, the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.

　　一个宇航员说他们正为去月球进行训练。当儿子传达给老人后，老人非常兴奋地问道能否请宇航员们为他向月球传递一条讯息。

　　A NASA official said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elder's comments were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. But he refused.

　　航天局官员回答：“当然可以啦!”并吩咐下属拿来录音机。老人的留言非常简短，航天局官员问老人的儿子可否告诉他们老人说了什么，但他拒绝了。

　　Finally, an official government translator was summoned. The translator relayed the message:

　　最后，他们请来了一位政府翻译员，他转述道：

　　"Watch out for these fellows! They have come to steal your land."

　　“小心这些家伙!他们来抢你们的领土了。”

　　英语幽默短笑话：

　　Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.

　　在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。