幽默笑话英文

　　Many people wanted to buy it and the man's young assistant moved quickly through the crowd collecting money and handing out bottles of the cold cure.

　　Then, when he had a big crowd, the man held up a very small bottle.

　　“And now, ladies and gentlemen, ” he shouted. “here is the medicine you have been waiting for. The cure for old age. Drink just one bottle of this and you will live forever.”

　　“And, ladies and gentlemen,” the man continued, “I'm not going to charge you a hundred dollars a bottle for this wonderful medicine. I'm not going to charge you fifty dollars a bottle. I'm not going to charge you twenty five dollars a bottle. No, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to charge you just ten dollars a bottle. Think, my friends, for ten dollars you can live forever.”

　　Most of the people in the crowd did not believe this.

　　One person shouted, “if it will make you live forever, why don't you drink it?”

　　Then another person cried , “Yes, you look as if you're at least sixty years old. ”

　　“Thank you, sir, thank you,” the man replied, “I'm so glad you said that. My real age is three hundred and twenty nine. ”

　　The crowd laughed at this but there were still a few people who wanted to believe the man. One of them spoke to the man's assistant as she passed by. “Is that true,” he asked, “that he's three hundred and twenty-nine?”

　　“Don't ask me,” the assistant said, “I've only worked for him for a hundred and fifty years.”

　　长生不老

　　一人在集市卖药。起先他卖一美元一瓶的治感冒的药。

　　很多人想买药，那人的年轻助手迅速穿行于人群中，一边收钱，一边递药。

　　然后当围观的人多起来时，那人举起一个小瓶子。

　　“听着，女士们，先生们，”那人喊道，“这就是你们一直想要的药。

　　消除衰老的药。只吃一瓶，就会长生不老。”

　　“女士们，先生们，”那人接着说道，“对这种神奇的药，我不打算卖一瓶100美元。我不打算卖一瓶50美元，我也不打算卖一瓶25美元。我只打算卖一瓶10美元。想想吧，朋友们，只花10美元，你们就能长生不老。”

　　人群中大多数人不相信他的话。

　　一人喊道：“如果这药能使人长生不老，你为什么不吃？”

　　接着另一人叫道：“是哇，你看上去至少60岁。”

　　“谢谢，先生，谢谢，”那人回答，“我很高兴你这么说。我的实际年龄是329岁。”

　　听到他的话，人群中发出一阵笑声，但仍有几个人愿意相信他的话。其中一人当那个助手经过时问她，“他已329岁了，这是真的吗？”他问。

　　“别问我，”助手说，“我只为他工作了150年。”

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　　Stunning Reply

　　My five-year-old son was not picking up his toys while I was preparing dinner as I had asked him. When I inquired why he wasn't doing his chores, he said that he didn't feel like it. Exasperated, I said, “Where would you be right now if I didn't feel like making dinner?”

　　He thought for a moment and then replied, “ A restaurant?”

　　出色的回答

　　我在准备晚饭的时候，我叫年仅五岁的儿子把玩具都收拾起来。当我问他为什么没做他的差事时，他说他不想做。我感到有些恼火，就对他说：“要是我说我不想做晚饭，这时你会在哪里呢？”

　　他略加思索便回答说：“在饭店里？”

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　　Only cash and credit cards

　　When a man called a motel and asked how much they charged for

　　a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and

　　number of people.

　　“ Do you take children?” the man asked.

　　“No, sir,” replied the clerk. “Only cash and credit cards.”

　　只算现金和信用卡

　　一个人打电话给一家汽车旅馆询问房租，旅馆的工作人员回答说 房租的多少取决于房间的大小和住客的人数。

　　“小孩儿算不算呢？”那人问道。

　　“不算，先生。”服务员回答，“我们只算现金和信用卡。”