超简英文经典笑话

　　Two Birds

　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

　　Teacher: Please tell us.

　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

　　两只鸟

　　老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

　　学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

　　老师：请说说看。

　　学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

　　2.

　　The Fish Net

　　"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

　　"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

　　鱼网

　　"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

　　"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

　　3.

　　The New Teacher

　　George comes from school on the first of September.

　　"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

　　"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said

　　that two and four were six too....."

　　新老师

　　9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

　　"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

　　"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

　　4.

　　A physics Examination

　　Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates

　　were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then

　　hear the thunderrolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

　　一次物理考试

　　在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

　　这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

　　尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

　　--------

　　No Sweat! 不费吹灰之力

　　There were four passengers in the small aircraft as it sputtered over the Andes; a businessman, an inventor, a priest and a laid-back budget traveller.

　　一架正飞越安第斯山脉的小飞机上坐着四名乘客：一名商人，一名发明家，一位神父和一个靠预算过日子、看起来懒懒散散的旅行者。

　　Suddenly the pilot entered the cabin and told them the horrible news: “Gentlemen, the plane is going down. I’m going to try to crash-land it, but you must all jump.”

　　突然，驾驶员走进舱告诉他们可怕的消息“：各位先生，这架飞机正失控下降中，我要设法迫降，但你们必须先跳下飞机。”

　　Naturally, the men were horrified, and even more so when they discovered that there were only three parachutes.

　　当然，那几个人都吓得目瞪口呆，尤其是当他们发现只有三个降落伞可以使用时，更是心惊胆战。

　　The businessman said, “Sirs, I employ thousands of people. Their lives and those of their families depend on me . I think you’ll agree that I must survive.” He promptly put on a parachute and leaped.

　　那名商人说道“：各位先生，我雇用好几千名员工，他们都要靠我养家活口，我想你们都同意我必须活着回去。”说着他便穿上一具降落伞跳出飞机去。

　　The inventor rose, already adjusting the straps. “I’m the smartest man in the world. My inventions have transformed the lives of millions. There’s no telling how much good I may yet do. Goodbye.” And he, too, jumped from the plane.

　　接着发明家站了起来，调整了肩带说道“：我是世界上最聪明的人，我的发明改变了成千上万人的生活。我还会对大众造多少福难以估计。再见了，各位!”他也跟着跳出机舱。

　　The priest was serene, and interrupted his prayers to speak to the traveller. “I am a man of God, my son; I have no fear of death. Take the last parachute and save you life.”

　　神父心平气和，中断祷告，对旅行者说道“：小伙子，我是信奉上帝的人，我对死并不畏惧，剩下的降落伞你就拿去用，逃命去吧!”

　　“Hey, it’s cool, Father. There’re still two parachutes left. The smartest man in the world just jumped out of the plane wearing my backpack.”

　　“嘿，神父，真是太棒了!我们还有两个降落伞。那个自称世界上最聪明的人背了我的背包跳出去了。”

　　-------

　　Wow! That’s a Big one! 哇!那个真是大得吓人

　　One day a tourist walked into a Texas tavern and ordered a shot of whiskey. The bartender put a big tumbler full of whiskey in front of him.

　　酒某一天一位观光客走进一家德州酒店点了一杯威士忌，酒保竟给他一大杯的酒。

　　“What’s this?” asked the tourist.

　　“这是什么呢?”观光客问道。

　　“Why, it’s a shot of whiskey! Don’t you know that everything is big i Texas?”

　　“怎么了，那是你点的酒，难道你不知道德州每样东西都大得吓人。”

　　Then, an armadillo ran past the door.

　　那时刚好有一只穿山甲跑过酒店门口。

　　“What was that?” asked the tourist.

　　“那是什么东西?”观光客又问。

　　“Why, that was a Texas cockroach.”

　　“哦，那是只德州蟑螂!”

　　By this time, the whiskey had gone to the tourist’s bladder as well as his head, and he asked the location of the bathroom. The bartender directed him to go down the hall and to the right, but the tourist turned left instead and fell into the swimming pool.

　　喝了酒，观光客感到腹胀头昏，他问哪里有洗手间，酒保告诉他下楼后右转，但观光客却向左转，跌落在酒店的游泳池中。

　　The bartender heard the splash and went to investigate. As he put his head in the door, he heard the tourist cry,“Don’t flush the toilet!”

　　酒保听到水声跑出去看个究竟，刚把头伸进门就听到观光客大 “不要按动马桶冲水哟!”